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| website = [https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Come-As-You-Are-Revised-and-Updated/Emily-Nagoski/9781982165314 simonandschuster.com]
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📘 '''''Come as You Are''''' is a nonfiction guide to women’s sexuality by sex educator Emily Nagoski, first published in the United States in 2015 and issued in a substantially revised trade paperback on 2 March 2021.<ref name="OCLC879642467" /><ref name="SS2021" /><ref name="S&SAuthor">{{cite web |title=Emily Nagoski |url=https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Emily-Nagoski/434446538 |website=Simon & Schuster |publisher=Simon & Schuster |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> The book popularizes the dual control model of sexual response—the balance of “accelerators and brakes” (excitation and inhibition)—and explains concepts such as responsive desire and arousal non-concordance in a sex-positive, evidence-driven register.<ref>{{cite news |title=Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? |url=https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/ |work=The Atlantic |date=15 December 2018 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite news |title='You're normal!' is science's battle cry in the fight for sexual liberation |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/28/youre-normal-is-sciences-battle-cry-in-the-fight-for-sexual-liberation |work=The Guardian |date=27 April 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref name="SS2021" /> Written in an accessible, conversational style that mixes research summaries with anecdotes and exercises, it is supported by downloadable worksheets that extend the book’s practical tools.<ref>{{cite news |title='You're normal!' is science's battle cry in the fight for sexual liberation |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/28/youre-normal-is-sciences-battle-cry-in-the-fight-for-sexual-liberation |work=The Guardian |date=27 April 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Come As You Are Worksheets |url=https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets |website=EmilyNagoski.com |publisher=Emily Nagoski |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> The revised edition retains a four-part, nine-chapter structure and updates examples and language; the outline used on this page follows the revised trade paperback.<ref name="Marmot2021" /><ref name="SS2021" /> The publisher promotes the title as a New York Times bestseller, and it has been widely covered by mainstream outlets since release, including WBUR and New York Magazine’s The Cut.<ref name="SS2021" /><ref>{{cite news |title='Come As You Are': Book Explores Old Lies And New Science On Women And Sex |url=https://www.wbur.org/news/2015/03/13/come-as-you-are-women-sex |work=WBUR News |date=13 March 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025 |last=Goldberg |first=Carey}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=The Way You Understand Your Sex Drive Is Wrong |url=https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/maybe-no-one-has-a-real-sex-drive.html |website=The Cut |publisher=New York Magazine |date=8 April 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref>
== Chapter summary ==
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🧭 '''9 – Love What's True: The Ultimate Sex-Positive Context.'''
== Background & reception ==
🖋️ '''Author & writing'''. Emily Nagoski is a sex educator with an MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior (Indiana University), with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute; she previously served as director of wellness education at Smith College.<ref name="S&SAuthor">{{cite web |title=Emily Nagoski |url=https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Emily-Nagoski/434446538 |website=Simon & Schuster |publisher=Simon & Schuster |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=about emily — Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. |url=https://www.emilynagoski.com/the-facts |website=EmilyNagoski.com |publisher=Emily Nagoski |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Archive of 2008–09 People News |url=https://www.smith.edu/news-stories/people/200809.php |website=Smith College |publisher=Smith College |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> The book synthesizes contemporary sex-science for general readers, centering context effects, the dual control model, and distinctions among arousal, desire, pleasure, and consent.<ref name="SS2021" /> The dual control framework itself traces to work by John Bancroft and Erick Janssen and remains an active research area.<ref>{{cite journal |last=Bancroft |first=J. |author2=Janssen, E. |date=2000 |title=The dual control model of male sexual response: a theoretical approach to centrally mediated erectile dysfunction |journal=Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews |volume=24 |issue=5 |pages=571–579 |doi=10.1016/S0149-7634(00)00024-5 |url=https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10880822/ |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last=Janssen |first=E. |author2=Bancroft, J. |date=2023 |title=The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response: A Scoping Review, 2009–2022 |journal=Annual Review of Sex Research (Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality) |pages=1–27 |url=https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37267113/ |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> Reviewers have noted the book’s friendly, accessible tone and use of clear visuals, while emphasizing its “you-are-normal” message.<ref>{{cite news |title='You're normal!' is science's battle cry in the fight for sexual liberation |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/28/youre-normal-is-sciences-battle-cry-in-the-fight-for-sexual-liberation |work=The Guardian |date=27 April 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> Practical tools are reinforced by official worksheets hosted on the author’s site.<ref>{{cite web |title=Come As You Are Worksheets |url=https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets |website=EmilyNagoski.com |publisher=Emily Nagoski |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref>
📈 '''Commercial reception'''. The first U.S. edition was published by Simon & Schuster Paperbacks in 2015 (400 pp.; ISBN 978-1-4767-6210-4), with library records confirming the bibliographic details; a revised and updated trade paperback followed on 2 March 2021 (400 pp.).<ref name="OCLC879642467" /><ref name="CCCL2015" /><ref name="SS2021" /> The publisher promotes the title as a New York Times bestseller.<ref name="SS2021" /> International editions appeared with Scribe in 2015 for Australia and the UK markets.<ref>{{cite web |title=Come as You Are |url=https://scribepublications.com.au/books/come-as-you-are |website=Scribe Publications (AU) |publisher=Scribe Publications |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Come as You Are |url=https://scribepublications.co.uk/books/come-as-you-are |website=Scribe Publications (UK) |publisher=Scribe Publications |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref>
👍 '''Praise'''. In The Guardian, Van Badham praised the book’s rare merger of pop science and sexual self-help “in prose that’s not insufferably twee,” adding that it offers “hard facts on the science of arousal and desire” in a friendly way (27 April 2015).<ref>{{cite news |title='You're normal!' is science's battle cry in the fight for sexual liberation |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/28/youre-normal-is-sciences-battle-cry-in-the-fight-for-sexual-liberation |work=The Guardian |date=27 April 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> WBUR (Boston’s NPR newsroom) highlighted the book’s myth-busting approach and predicted it would be a pivotal read for many (13 March 2015).<ref>{{cite news |title='Come As You Are': Book Explores Old Lies And New Science On Women And Sex |url=https://www.wbur.org/news/2015/03/13/come-as-you-are-women-sex |work=WBUR News |date=13 March 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025 |last=Goldberg |first=Carey}}</ref> Salon’s interview with Nagoski called it a rare sex-advice book that “actually has it” — lasting value beyond quick fixes (6 March 2015).<ref>{{cite news |title=Forget female Viagra: This new book dismantles stubborn myths about women and sexual desire |url=https://www.salon.com/2015/03/06/forget_female_viagra_this_new_book_dismantles_stubborn_myths_about_women_and_sexual_desire/ |work=Salon |date=6 March 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025 |last=Clark-Flory |first=Tracy}}</ref>
👎 '''Criticism'''. Even positive reviewers noted stylistic tics; The Guardian mentioned “a few too many gardening metaphors.”<ref>{{cite news |title='You're normal!' is science's battle cry in the fight for sexual liberation |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/28/youre-normal-is-sciences-battle-cry-in-the-fight-for-sexual-liberation |work=The Guardian |date=27 April 2015 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> Some reviewers observed that the book primarily addresses cisgender women, reflecting limits of available research on trans populations at the time; they argue that readers seeking broader LGBTQ+ coverage may find scope constraints.<ref>{{cite web |title=Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski |url=https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/reviews/come-as-you-are-by-emily-nagoski/ |website=Smart Bitches, Trashy Books |publisher=Smart Bitches, Trashy Books LLC |date=23 June 2023 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> Scholars also caution that evidence underpinning the dual control model — a framework the book popularizes — continues to evolve, with calls for further measurement refinement and population-diverse research.<ref>{{cite journal |last=Janssen |first=E. |author2=Bancroft, J. |date=2023 |title=The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response: A Scoping Review, 2009–2022 |journal=Annual Review of Sex Research (Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality) |pages=1–27 |url=https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37267113/ |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref>
🌍 '''Impact & adoption'''. The book has been extended into an eight-part audio series, the ''Come As You Are'' podcast, launched on 16 November 2022 as a Pushkin Industries/Madison Wells production.<ref>{{cite web |title=Come As You Are – Podcast on Apple Podcasts |url=https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/come-as-you-are/id1628661035 |website=Apple Podcasts |publisher=Apple Inc. |date=16 November 2022 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Come As You Are |url=https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/come-as-you-are |website=Pushkin Industries |publisher=Pushkin Industries |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref> It appears on higher-education syllabi and resource lists, including Wesleyan University’s Summer 2024 graduate seminar materials, the University of Florida’s Spring 2025 “Sexuality in Mental Health” course, and Western Washington University’s 2024 campus consent guide.<ref>{{cite web |title=SCIE 601 (Summer 2024) — Syllabus sample readings |url=https://www.wesleyan.edu/masters/courses/Summer_2024/syllabi_summer_2024/syb_scie601.pdf |website=Wesleyan University |publisher=Wesleyan University |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Sexuality in Mental Health — Spring 2025 Syllabus |url=https://my.education.ufl.edu/course-syllabi/fetch.php?id=6356 |website=University of Florida |publisher=University of Florida |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=The Consent Guide Book |url=https://cwc.wwu.edu/files/2024-04/wwu_consent_booklet_web.pdf |website=Western Washington University |publisher=Western Washington University |date=April 2024 |access-date=19 October 2025}}</ref>
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